The time has come...

It is your turn now,
you waited, you were patient.
The time has come,
for us to polish you.
We will transform your inner pearl
into a house of fire.
You're a gold mine.
Did you know that,
hidden in the dirt of the earth?
It is your turn now,
to be placed in fire.
Let us cremate your impurities.
-Maulana Rumi

Gone to the Unseen

At last you have departed and gone to the Unseen.
What marvelous route did you take from this world?

Beating your wings and feathers,
you broke free from this cage.
Rising up to the sky
you attained the world of the soul.

As a lovesick nightingale, you flew among the owls.
Then came the scent of the rosegarden
and you flew off to meet the Rose.

This phantom world gave you false signs
But you turned from the illusion
and journeyed to the land of truth.

I've heard that you can barely see your soul.
But why look at all? -
yours is now the Soul of Souls!

The flowers flee from Autumn, but not you -
You are the fearless rose
that grows amidst the freezing wind.

Now the words are over
and the pain they bring is gone.
Now you have gone to rest
in the arms of the Beloved.
-Maulana Rumi

Time for Change

Barack Obama won the presidential election yesterday as he defeated John McCain for the title. I'm glad about this result because I really could not and did not want to see McCain and his clueless VP Sarah Palin becoming the next leaders of America. After the state that Bush has left this country in, we were desperate for change and now Obama gives hope for that. I'm still apprehensive about everything, as the present condition of the nation is as rocky as I've ever seen it. I've lived to see many monumentous events cold war, 911, hurricane katrina, wall street scandals, this enormous economic crisis, and now our first Black president. It gives you the feeling that this nation is finally moving towards tolerance in reality. It's still surreal because you cannot help to think are they really being tolerant or is it just another scheme in the plot for selfish gain. But all that can be said with certainty is that change is to come, that much is inevitable.

Aside from national change I can feel the internal change too, which is never fun to deal with. Whether its for better or worse there's something about the realization that you are no longer who you once were which creates unexplainable feelings

Time is almost up

Why is it that some things which you should be so happy for, they suddenly become a drag and instead of looking forward to them you dread it instead? All they do is weigh you down and make you feel very very tense. I know we mostly control these occurrences, because everything that happens in life can be controlled to the extent of how it affects you. Yet, what can be done? Constantly chanting "Breathe" is one useful technique or avoiding the object is another possibility, yet past experiences say that one won't work too long...All you can do is suck it up and take it as it comes, thats the unsweetened truth of reality.

I miss those days of life when everything was predictable, everything was calm and secure. For the past year or maybe more I've felt like I'm just all over the place..constantly racing to complete one task after another...trying to please one person after another..but the more slices you cut of the pie, the smaller the pieces become and at this point, no one slice is getting the best of my pie =/ I know there's a lot of me that i have to offer...and all this craziness is doing is spreading me thin and creating a tired, crabby patty monster I've come to be sick of. there are a few people and things i could name as culprits for the monster, but I've always disliked lame excuses for behavior so I'll keep to that.

Just smile and ride it out. At every moment, life as you know it is over because the fact of the matter is, its constantly changing whether you want it to or not.

Counting down the days

Where do I even begin.....well, the least I can say is that life is good. very good. The things I have always looked forward to and considered a Must on my life's To Do List are all slowly coming into shape. Inshallah. Not sure why, but for as long as I can remember I enjoy creating these countdowns in my head. It's not always very healthy, because then all you do is focus on getting to the destination and the journey becomes negligible. I can't say I haven't done that a time or two..or three. But sometimes its nice. I like thinking back to where I was in the past and where I am at present...And now there is a lot to look forward to for the future. But at the same time, as much as I do look forward to it, the truth is it makes me very very very nervous. Like, life post undergrad. That's something I've been constantly focused on, going for my masters then having a full time job (like a real career!), getting my cpa, then a family and all that mature people stuff..but while staring at the rental lease form it dawned on me that all of that is very near if not already occurring..its like I knew all along that this stuff will happen or is happening but its much more pleasant to ignore its existence and busy myself in less anxiety giving issues...like school work...correction, pretty much everything these days gives me anxiety but schoolwork and its hell I am accustomed to, so this is a new form of anxiety.....WHEN did I get here..signing forms to have for our OWN place?? (granted its a rental but still, its a first HUGE real step into growing up)....it was almost as big as when I signed that nikkah certificate lol...maybe that's why I haven't brought myself to actually sign it yet haha...Next year this time I'll be done with my undergrad, done with my masters, close to completing my cpa and soon beginning my accounting career. (inshallah to all of the above). Oh and I completely forgot to mention that I will be a married woman!!!! Talk about overacheiving..that's like everything I ever wanted to get done in a 2-3 yr span all happening within a 9-12 month period! And I know being ungrateful is horrible, that's the last thing I'm trying to be. I am far beyond blessed for the endless opportunities granted. Once it'll all be done I know I will feel tremendously relieved to have such a weight lifted off me...I hope so at least..to be more mentally (and financially) stable by next year...but at present....i just feel like little 10 year old sania is suddenly being put in this big nearly 22 yr old sania's shoes and having to make all these big people decisions....I know I can do it, but the realization of how big it all is and how much it'll all affect me is what creates the most anxiety....

finals are in about 2-3 weeks...so not looking forward to the ride there..but post-finals, i can't wait for that part...

wedding stuff is materializing....verrrry slowly...at glacier pace you could say...but it's fine...I'll give it more attention when i can deal with it...

rest is good i think.. OK enough rambling...now I must go sleep through Dr. Soos' B-law II class..sleeping through class..remind me to add that to the list of things I'll miss once I'm working full time.

ps- 4 months from now I'll be a day away from offically being married...eek.. Must stop or I'll seriously need anxiety pills...no more counting down. that's it!

XOXO

"So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."- Meredith gray, Gray's anatomy

Picking up & Dropping off

It's what hospitals and airports have in common. Everyone essentially goes there for only two reasons, arrivals and departures. Both those places always give me that strange feeling that I can't really put into words. I find it amusing how one place can bring about such different emotions. It's the same with New Year's Eve. Excitement for the upcoming year and everything that it will bring with it is mirrored by the sadness for all that was done and over with in the past year. It always makes me reflect on where I was at that time the previous year and then I compare it to where I stand now. It's safe to say 2007 was a pretty great year for me (mashallah), in nearly every aspect things got significantly better. Leaving 2006 was like breathing a sigh of relief, but this time around I will actually miss '07; lots of great memories were made :) But, I'm looking forward to '08, definitely a lot of changes and accomplishments will occur, all of which I'm optimistic about.
Inshallah let's see what happens.